


Come as you are

by stainhermouthred



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Biting, Bucky's Metal Arm, Choking, Destroying Nat's apartment, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Kissing, Oral Sex, Recovering Memories, Slamming against the walls, Smut, Starting Over, Throwing around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 03:44:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4690835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stainhermouthred/pseuds/stainhermouthred
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha hasn’t seen the Winter Soldier since the events in Washington D.C. She knew Steve was looking for him, but never once asked about it. It was his past, his friend. For her it was just a ghost from the past, a ghost from a mission, certainly not the first one to get a hit on her. Not the last one. His skills were impressive, but for her that’s all that he was. The set of skills that had beaten her once. A human that should be pitied, because of what Hydra had done to him. Nothing more. Nothing less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come as you are

Natasha hasn’t seen the Winter Soldier since the events in Washington D.C. She knew Steve was looking for him, but never once asked about it. It was his past, his friend. For her it was just a ghost from the past, a ghost from a mission, certainly not the first one to get a hit on her. Not the last one. His skills were impressive, but for her that’s all that he was. The set of skills that had beaten her once. A human that should be pitied, because of what Hydra had done to him. Nothing more. Nothing less.

The next time she met him, they were fighting again. This time it wasn’t him against them. He was at Steve’s side, getting his memories back and his mind slowly repairing itself. She couldn’t quite believe that they were fighting Rogers on this. He joined the military on his own in his youth to follow whatever the government would say and now he was saying it was not okay. She had enough of rules made up in the air, because someone felt stronger. That way they were no better than criminals. So she took the opposite side in that conflict. And she was fighting both of her friends. New allies. And a guy with a metal arm  who she didn’t know. That was worse than she imagined. They were fighting and they were fighting to kill. Rogers would never forgive neither of them if the other died. That didn’t matter all that much and she was strangling him or he was choking her with his metal arm.

Finally, her team managed to capture the Winter Soldier. She didn’t exactly agree with that. But Stark decided that he needed to be held captive at least until his programming was gone since it was safer than Rogers babysitting him. She didn’t agree that he should be alone in a cell. So she was assigned to sit with him. Talk about fair decisions.

So she sat with him. Outside of his cell in  a complete silence. She didn’t really think she was helping. They weren’t friends. She didn’t know what to say. He was there, on the floor looking straight at her, his face emotionless, looking through the force field that was way better for him that usual prison bars. He looked better and every day he would watch her, but wouldn’t break the silence for a week. Only then he finally asked:

“Are you another person from my past, hoping that I’ll remember you? Because I don’t know you.” his voice was strong, sure. He wasn’t as broken as she thought he would have been. Maybe he was with Steve longer than she knew. Managed to heal at least a little.

“You shot me. Twice. I think you remember these little details. Never met you before that.” She smiled at him. She wasn’t exactly trying to be friendly. Just confident.

“Then why are you sitting here?” He  was curious. And she had no answer for him so she stayed silent.

He was asking her this every day for the next week. And she still had no answer neither for him nor herself.  Stark decided to put him in federal prison for as long as their Civil War lasted. Natasha was pissed.

“How are you going to get him out of there later if you get your way with giving the government the power?” she shouted, furious.

“I’m not going to. We are suppose to be treated like everyone else and he murdered a lot of people, Natasha. I don’t want him in prison, but it’s the only way it’s going to end anyway and I prefer Rogers over my head than Captain America attacking the US government!”

“You act like you’re so righteous. And you’re full of shit, this isn’t that simple and you know it. He was brainwashed. It wasn’t him, but Hydra, he can’t be judged the same way you or Steve would be and you know it”

“They demanded it. I’m going to give it to them. Now go and bring him in or they demand your head as well”

Natasha stormed off, she suspected that something like this may happen, but not yet.

And not from Stark.

He respected Steve.

He shouldn’t have done that.

She went down and wrote down a few commands to the machine creating the force field. She looked her prisoner straight into eyes and hid her face in her hair, whispering so quietly that cameras couldn’t pick it up.

“Two floors up. Five guards. No killing. Knock me out.”  his face showed nothing and she was grateful that they were both trained in their craft.,

The force field disappeared and before she could blink she was pushed into the wall, his metal hand on her throat, choking her. She clawed at the metal tears in her eyes. He looked at her with that curious expression again as he choked her, but didn’t make a move to crash her windpipe or anything. It must have looked impressive on the security footage. His skills were taking her breath away.

She was trashing and crying, looking this man in the  eyes, he was so focused on not killing her, but making her suffer just enough. He was always so focused. It was so fast, all of it lasted maybe a minute, not more. She was watching him as her mind got clouded from the restriction of air flow and as he gripped her tighter by the throat pulling her away from the wall slightly. She watched his lips when he spoke.

“What’s your name?”

“Natalia” she managed, her voice thin, not sure why she told him her real name.

“Natalia” the man she didn’t know said quietly, before he slammed her head hard against the wall knocking her out.

But that fracture of a second before the world turned black, she got something. A memory. And she realized that she knew that man. Better than anyone else.

She woke up in the hospital bed, Tony hovering over her, asking what the hell went wrong. She glared at him. “Our soldier seized the moment. I guess I wouldn’t want to be imprisoned by any government organization after being used by one”

Tony was pissed and she didn’t care.

Her head was pounding and to be honest she felt a little sick. Her thoughts were a rollercoaster, memories coming to her in waves.

Like the fact that she was about 80 years old.

She didn’t get to the Red Room until she was about twenty years old and not like she used to think, as a child. She got a serum that slowed her aging from a man. With metal arm. To save someone named Ivan.

She had no idea who Ivan was.

Rhodey came to talk to her, get whatever he could from her observation and all she could think about was the fact that she wasn’t exactly barren, but that her body would kill the fetus to heal itself. The effect was the same. She got this little piece of information while he asked his questions.

And that moment when she was nearly choked and that man said her name.

Throat burning, vision blurred and her name on his lips. She got a flash of herself out of breath, writhing and moving under that man, pleasure stronger than her with his metal arm keeping her as still as he could. And that man focused, with adoration in his eyes and in his voice, his hair being a mess, growls coming out between whispers of her name.

Not Natasha.

Technically everyone knew that Natasha wasn’t anything official. No one used Natalia. She wouldn’t allow that.

He did and it sounded beautiful.

She had a constant headache as she got more and more and she couldn’t decide if it was a good thing and why it worked so fast.

She remembered being trained by Him.

Being the best. Being flirty because she could.

Leading him to the locker room and kissing him for all she was worth.

Asking about his name and finding one he didn’t have one. She called him _her Soldier_ after that.

Going on a mission together.

She knew how his body worked.

They were partners on missions, they knew what the other was thinking, they were irreplaceable. Their bodies moved as one. In combat. In bed. On a mission. And wherever they could get a little privacy. Once they were controlled and supervised on a mission, they could leave everything behind before they came back to the base, spending days exploring their bodies, often destroying everything that was in their way. Together they were unstoppable.

So they took him away from her.

Natasha got bits and pieces. She remembered the last time she saw recognition in his eyes. He told her he never wanted to leave her. She never saw this in his eyes again. Her heart was breaking that it happened to her. Her heart just broke again that it was taken away from her by brainwashing.

And now she was supposed to fight him.

That meant fighting friends and a former lover.

And then she cried.

To make things  worse Tony decided to walk in on her crying and she had no way to hide it.

Which was hilarious for about a second because he looked more spooked than he was when a god himself wanted to smash him.

“Romanoff?”

“I’m fine”

“You have concussion”

“I don’t think so” She did have concussion. But she also had advanced healing as she found out the day before, so she doubted there was any trace of the injury.

“Look, I know that you two had a history and with you and Rogers being all BFFs , he wasn’t sure what the hell was happening” Tony kept going about stuff she didn’t want to hear about after that.

He had no idea. She cut in. “Shot twice is not a history, Stark. No big deal and I’m fine. Now give me something to do and that bloody thing better ends quickly, I’m sick of beating Clint up”

He winced, but left. And she got a job. Civil War of superheroes. That’s one thing that should have never happened. And it did. So she kept hitting and debating and hitting harder.

Fighting Clint was one thing. They joked a little, they fought to knock each other out, but not to harm. Fighting Bucky Barnes was hard, demanded dirty tricks, all her focus and a little bit of heartbreak.

Because he remembered Steve alright. But not her. There was no recognition on his face when his arm was pinning her to the ground and he hit her. Nor when she used her Widow Bites to push him off. They were so close, they were face to face, close in combat and it was strange and new. She hated it.

But she still knew his moves.

And she hoped that maybe… it triggered something in her so maybe …

“My Soldier, still matching me in fight” She hold her breath ducking from attack. She caught his surprised look and froze.

That was it.

She was on the ground with his metal arm squeezing her throat hard, pinning her with his whole body. His face not only showed no recognition, he looked angry. She couldn’t breathe and it was so much better than focusing on the fact that he didn’t know her.

“Call me that again and I’ll kill you. My handlers used that, not a fan” She smiled weakly. That was one big failure and she really didn’t want him to let her go, but dying without a fight would made her look suicidal. And she wasn’t.

So she kicked him away from her, tears on her face easily mistaken for these from lack of oxygen. They were staring at each other for a moment until he said:

“Steve told me not to kill or injure your team. And you helped me. Don’t get in our way and I won’t hurt you and everyone will be happy.”

It wasn’t fair. She couldn’t do anything about it.

They lost and the government couldn’t control them. Meaning that they accomplished nothing, they fought their friends for nothing. She visited Steve after this, she was sure Rogers would never look at her like he used to, unlike Clint who was loyal to Cap, but still was her friend. She gave him some DVDs she promised back in the day when they were all a team. She could pass it through Sharon, of course, but there was another thing. She hoped she would see _him._

And he was there, laughing with Steve, watching her as she was giving her gift for Rogers. She kept her facial expression in check. Or so she hoped. She didn’t know what to do with Bucky, so she did absolutely nothing.

About a month later she was sitting on the rooftop of her apartment, petting some stray cat who kept coming to the building, when she felt that she wasn’t alone. She turned around, her gun already trained on a person who decided to join her.

The Winter Soldier himself.

She put away her weapon and tried not sigh audibly. She honestly didn’t think he suddenly got his memory about her back. Her optimism was kind of lost after the Civil War.

“Why are you here and what do I call you because Bucky sounds like a dog name and last time I checked, you’re pretty human”

“Whatever you like, I don’t really care” he was in civilian clothes, sitting on the roof with her. Just a  normal conversation.

“Is cupcake alright? Sweetie?” She grinned at him wincing.

“Are you done?”

“Yeah, I’m done. I’m gonna be all weird and call you James, because soon you’ll forget your own name. No one calls you that” she yawned, it was a long day and, to be honest, she was dying to go to bed.

“My mum did” he quipped, smirking.

She thought about the memory of him fucking her against every wall in various hotel rooms and burst out laughing. Her sides hurt and James was really confused, but that only made her laugh harder. When she finally finished, tears were streaming down her face and still giggling she muttered:

“Sorry”

“So, how about you tell me how do we know each other? When that happened, because I remember I shot you, but you know more.” He looked strangely relaxed around her.

“I don’t know what you mean” she deadpanned. She wouldn’t believe herself, didn’t expect him to do that.

“I’m not stupid, you know? I’ve seen the way you look at me. Expecting. So, what am I missing?” He was staring trying to get a reaction out of her and that was unnerving.

She bit her lip, she could tell him and make this awkward. She could go to sleep. She could ignore him for the rest of her life.

“You trained me for a few weeks, that’s all.” She said quietly. It wasn’t a lie.

He came closer and she held her breath. They were sitting so close that she could feel heat radiating from his body. “So the familiar feeling I get when I’m near you, it’s from the trainings?”

“Probably”

“And the fact that my pulse jumps every time I’m close to you like right now, it’s from the adrenaline of the fight?”

“That’s your body, you should know”

“But we’re not fighting.”

He pulled away a little and she didn’t realize just how close they were. She felt like running away.

“I’m not trying to harass you, it’s just, I know I was missing something when it came to you and you looking like you were waiting for my reaction. It made me sure. I can feel it Natalia. I don’t remember a shit, but I know there was something. I want to know”

He wasn’t making it any easier for her, smartass.

“We had an affair. It reminded us what it was like to be human and then they took you away and erased memories of both of us. I was triggered the same day I helped you escape”

“Was the sex as good as I think it would be?”

Natasha closed her eyes for a second contemplating men being so single-minded before she answered: “Probably better.”

One minute they were looking at each other with amusement on their faces, the second she was pulled onto his lap kissing him hard and fast.

“This is a terrible idea” she gasped. She shouldn’t do it. She wanted him.

“I know. That’s why we’re going to do it”

She was straddling his hips, rocking slightly, her hands curling into his shirt, pulling him closer, so she could feel everything more intensely. The heat of his body against her own and the coldness of his metal arm sneaking under her shirt and pressing against the skin of the small of her back, making her shiver. His other hand sneaked up to her hair and tangled itself among the red strands, pulling slightly. She felt like she was coming  alive under his fingers. His lips were warm and chapped and thorough and pressed hard against hers like she was the only thing they ever wanted to feel. His tongue was working its way into her mouth and she moaned and rocked more intensely against simply out of pleasure of being engulfed by him. The sensation of both his metal and flesh hands, the taste of him on her tongue, the smell of him that she got intimately familiar with so many years ago.

Her fingers wandered swiftly to the edge of his shirt and with quick movements she started pulling it off him, grazing his muscles with her fingernails and making him growl into her mouth. She had to stop kissing him to pull the shirt over his head and throw it out somewhere. She was almost sure it was thrown down, but didn’t think about it too much, as he started kissing her neck and sucking a hard at the spot under her jaw. She was gripping his arms and she was sure that he would have marks from this. The thought of him wearing something after her made her dig her nails harder into his arm. He grunted and she felt that the metal hand has wandered to her bra and flicked it open.

“I want you” He said against her neck, grazing his teeth down her throat and she felt her pulse jump. Judging by his chuckle he did as well. “Shut up” she warned before she took it upon herself to suck a hickey on his chest. The other hand has been more interested palming the front of his pants, feeling his already hard cock  and squeezing briefly. His  hips bucked up at that and at the same time he managed to get his metal hand to her front and up under her  loose bra, leaving the trail of chills behind his fingers before they got to the sensitive flesh of her breast. He trailed slow patterns over it, kneading gently, then he flicked her nipple and pinched it lightly.

“I won’t break, James” she said, half focused on what she was doing, mostly on what she felt.  

His eyes were shining, pupils dilated, lips so swollen she wanted to bite down on them just to feel it again. He was looking at her like he could devour her right here and now. She licked her lips and second later he tugged hard at her hair exposing her neck again and biting down on her flesh, the only sounds she made were low gasps, his metal finger were plunging at her nipple and rolling it so it bordered on painful making the sensation turn her on even more. Suddenly his hands were gone from her body and she opened her eyes only to see that he was getting rid of her shirt and bra.

They were both half naked now, staring at each other with adoration and desire so strong it was palpable. She kissed him hard, biting on his deliciously swollen lips, feeling their bodies touching and the thrill of that making her light-headed. He broke the kiss only to finally mouth at her breasts. His hand wandered to squeeze her ass and his lips nipped their way to the nipple, licking softly around it and she groaned, it felt so good and she needed so much more. He put his mouth around it, tracing patterns with his tongue and not doing much more, she felt like begging.

“We need to move, there are better places to fuck than the roof” she said.

He pulled his mouth away and looked at her with clouded expression. Before she could say something  more he stood up with her legs still around him, on instinct she tightened them, pressing on his cock with her body and making him moan and stop for a second. He looked behind her and took few long steps until her back was slammed against the door. The impact took her breath away for a second while he put her down and was opening her jeans and fitting a flesh hand into her panties. He dipped one finger into her, moaning at her arousal and then started rubbing at her clit, gently at first, until he felt her digging her nails into his back when he started putting more pressure, doing it almost harshly, wary of her reaction which was getting more intense from the pleasure she was receiving.

“We’re still on the fucking rooftop, James” She hissed finally, not really caring as she unbuckled his pants and pushed it down along with his boxers, freeing his cock and taking it in her hand, stroking firmly.

“Keep calling me that” he was moaning, stopping the movements of his fingers and pulling down her jeans and panties. She kicked them off and hooked one leg around his hip, positioning his cock against her entrance. He thrusted into her hard and quick and once he was inside her he picked her up so her weight was supported only by him and the wall.

“Oh God, calling you what? James?” She was smiling cockily. She was warm and they were so close and they bodies were one. The contrast of the rough door and smooth skin and metal meeting her skin to skin, she felt amazing, the fact that he was so close she could kiss him if she move her head a little making her high and then he started thrusting into her regularly, his pace hard and fast and giving her so much pleasure she was moaning his name which only seemed to encourage him more. She could hear her heart pounding, see the drops of sweat on his face and the way his eyes were so focused on her and yet he was almost gone with pleasure.

“More, James, please” the second she called him by his name he snapped his hips so hard she thought that she saw stars, feeling her release getting closer and closer, her nails drawing red lines on his  back, some of them probably dripping red.

He was gripping her hips so hard that there would be bruises, but it only made it better. The reminder of the blinding pleasure she felt. She felt herself clenching and chasing her pleasure, one hand rubbing gently directly over her clit, and going over the edge, feeling the sensations reaching its peak, squeezing around his length, moaning loud and drawing blood on his back.

She was panting trying to regain some control, but he kept pounding into her and then she heard a crack and a thud and they lost their balanced for a second.

He looked behind her and chuckled before letting her get off if him, he was still painfully hard, but they lost leverage. Natasha turned around to see the door laying on the floor. Broken.

She huffed out a laugh and took his hand.

“My apartment, now”

They literally ran to her apartment, clothes forgotten, and the moment she opened the door she was kissed hard, she managed to shut the door shut and while she tried to do that, she knocked out the vase. She didn’t care. He lead her blindly into the living room and dropped her onto the couch. She bit her lip at the sight of him, all muscles and skin marked by her, she wanted more.

With a quick move she switched they places, pushing him down on the couch and kneeling in front of him, her expression gleeful. She bit her lip before kissing his abdomen muscles, feeling him relax, he was letting her do whatever she wanted with him. Her hand wandered to stroke his cock while she continued the trail of her kisses along his body, feeling the salty taste of his skin. She felt his flesh hand go back to her hair and trade through it, caressing her, making her smile against his skin.

She watched his face as she kissed head of his shaft, delicately, slowly, making him shudder. Licking the underside slowly she caught every sighed that escaped his mouth, every flex of his fingers in her hair, she bobbed her head a little, feeling herself on her tongue. She started taking more of him in her mouth, his hand putting steady pressure on her head, not really pushing, but she had an idea, on what he wanted. She got as much of him as she could, feeling the head moving slightly against the back of her throat and sucked, swallowing around him. She felt the hard tugging on her hair and heard ripping sound from somewhere above her   along with a growl  and continued to do that until she had to breathe. She looked at him, both of them flashed and hazed. She run her soft tongue on the underside up to the head and sucked just at the tip, listening to him before she was forcefully pulled up into a bruising kiss.

“My couch is ripped because of you” she gasped into the kiss that grew more and more aggressive.

“Yeah, sorry” he said, walking back, still kissing her and walking them blindly into the general direction of her bedroom. Judging by his curse he walked into her wardrobe. She laughed at him, a little breathless and at that she was pushed into the very same wardrobe, her front pressed against the wood.

“Don’t laugh, it’s not nice” he murmured into her ear, kissing at the shell, fingers ghosting over her sides, then her ass.

“I’m not nice” she said, wiggling her hips against him.

He ghosted his mouth over the nape of his neck, and pinched her thigh. She jumped a little and the wardrobe shook, sending the boxes laying there down on the floor next to them. They ignored it, he traced his metal fingers over her ass, the other arm around her, resting beneath her breasts, pressing her against the wall and him. His fingers wandered beneath her folds and entered her, she was shaking with anticipation and he was a bastard.

“Get on with it” she growled. She felt him sucking a hickey at her neck and pressing her chest harder against the wood, and his fingers started moving fast and hard inside her, pushing almost brutally into the patch of skin that made her see stars and she came almost instantly which didn’t really impress her lover who kept stimulating her further until she pushed him away straight into the dining table, knocking down a few chairs.

They were breathing hard, smiling at each other like the idiots they were.

She turned around walking to the bedroom, hearing James behind her. He was a little bit behind so he could watch her and she turned her head to give him a dirty look which earned her a smack to her ass. They almost made it to the bed. But then he needed to kiss her and they landed  on her dresser. Or rather she landed on it, sending everything that was there on the floor with a huge noise.  He kissed with such passion that she felt like her heart was going to explode in her chest, it pounded so hard. Their teeth clashed, their tongues explored each other’s mouth, sending tiny sparks along their bodies, making her dig her fingers into his back and him to dug hard into her sides, bruising it. It was intense. It was hard. It hurt. It brought them pleasure. It made them feel so much it was ridiculous with such a simple thing as kiss.

He lifted her and went to her bed, still not looking, knocking  over a lamp on a way before he threw her on a bed. She squeaked which made both of them laugh as he got on his hands and knees and yanked her by her feet so she was laying on her back.

“I’m gonna eat you out” he said with his voice low. And that would be wonderful, but she had some other ideas.

“No you’re not” she said and flipped them over so she towered over him, sinking onto his cock with something that resembled a whimper.

What made it even better was the expression of pure bliss on James’ face. She wanted to see him when he reaches the peak of his pleasure. She wanted to give him that. She started moving up  and down, slightly rotating her hips, determinate to hear the sounds he made. His hands went to her immediately and she knew that he got off on giving her pleasure, but it never ceased to amaze her. The metal one went to her already bruised hips, and the flesh one to stimulate her clit. “Switch them” she groaned. He got off in her pleasure and she loved all of him, especially his metal arm.

He was surprised for a second, but did as she said.

His flesh fingers was callused and the friction was amazing. The metal ones were smooth and cold. They moved effortlessly, adding just enough pressure, and somehow the fact that the same fingers choked her months earlier only made it so much better, because he wouldn’t harm her. And he could. Now he was laying on his back, guiding her moves, chasing his pleasure along with hers and he was beautiful.

He thrusted up into her. Hard. They were both more durable than normal humans. They didn’t need to hold back. So she could lean on him to suck at his neck only so she could bite on sensitive skin a second later, producing a moan out of him and a harder thrust. His pace was fast, and she clenched around him when he marked her neck on his own, not trying to be gentle. They belonged to each other. She was practically laying on him, their bodies sweaty and moving against each other. It made her giddy with desire and soon she was on the edge, few more thrusts and moves of his fingers sending her over with his name on her lips, gasping and whimpering, feeling him finishing as well and if she thought the desire made her giddy it was nothing in comparison to “Natalia” that he groaned in the moment, making her stupid with happiness.

A minute later they were laying next to each other, ready to doze off to sleep when he asked, his voice hoarse:

“We destroyed your apartment”

“A little bit”

“So… you want to go out? Because I want these memories back. But if I can’t get them, I want to get to know you. I wanted to since Steve told me about you.” he was tracing patterns on her stomach and she smiled at her ceiling.

“Yes, James. I want to go out”

“We were amazing together, weren’t we?”

“We were”

“Great. I can’t wait to experience it again”

He was so enthusiastic about it and she was grinning, happy. He didn’t remember her and she still got her chance to experience this kind of love again. She couldn’t ask for more.


End file.
